6 Fucked Up Things About Me

I did this because Ted asked me and I don’t want to be duped into seeing a horror movie (I have nightmares.)



6 fucked up things about me:

1) I have the IQ of someone twice my age and the maturity of someone half my age. Do you know how hard it is to discuss the quantum physics principal of objective observer when the woman in front of you is eating a lollipop at the bar, wear glittery hair barrettes and a “Coney Island” t-shirt and referring to the condiments as “Dr. Pepper” and “Nurse Salt” and falls off her stool every time a Buell or a Ducatti drives by.

2) I am so gonna die young. I moved to Phoenix to protect myself from an asthma condition that gave me “25 years to live” back when I was 23. If that wasn’t enough, doctors were astounded that someone so young could develop Pancreatitis. More fun is my liver condition which won’t let my body hold onto fat. Thank goodness I have medicine that masks the problem.

3) I hate your family. Everyone has one cool relative I can appreciate. That’s usually my limit.

4) I can’t throw a rock without hitting some guy I don’t want to date. Look I have no idea when I became socially tolerable, but for the past few months every straight guy I pass has his eyes locked on my size Gs. Listen up guys, you know what turns me on? An original idea - try getting one.

5) I’ve been insane! Yeah I’m sure everyone has felt insane sometimes, but I’ve actually been there. From December 2004-May 2005 nearly 6 months where I could have robbed a bank and NOT gone to jail. Sure it was a crazy time for me, my loved ones took the united stand of yelling at me for months in hopes I would start making rational decisions again. I live my life deliberately now, watching my behavior each day to prevent a reoccurrence.

6) This one I would have never put, but I asked Joe so of course he’s going to pull the skeletons from my closet. “You don't like being physically alone so you will invite boys over just so you can get some and not be alone.” There is often more to it, but in essence that’s what it is.