Foreplay Sucks!

I recently got a midnight lecture as to the importance of foreplay and how I’m a horrible person because I do not understand the expressions of tenderness that so enhance the overall sexual experience. Guess what? Foreplay is stupid and I hate it! Look if you are lucky enough to get into bed with me, the most you can expect is a couple kisses, get down to it and a kind word before I push you off of my side of the bed and fall asleep. Now I really only had sex with one guy and he never taught me too much foreplay, so it is safe to assume he hated it too. As far as making love goes, we only did that 3 times in 7 years (including our wedding night,) so guys it is safe to assume you won’t be getting that either.